Man, this past week has been very stressful. I got scolded by my insulin-pump nurse for having high blood sugars over several months, and she didn’t seem to be the type to be very willing to listen about how much I am sensitive to approval or dissapproval about what my blood sugars look like! As if feeling bad at times with high blood sugars isn’t already enough. x__x
I’ve been working very hard on watching everything I eat and calculating how much sugar is in every bite. It’s got me on pins and needles. ~siiiigh~ Being attentive to every swing or moodswing that I recognize as signs of having a low blood sugar or high blood sugar keeps me on ‘very high alert’, and I end up trying to accomplish everything that is on my to-do list right away. That means stuff that I think of right while I’m sitting if it comes to my mind, and I don’t manage to just sit to relax.
I react to the smallest infractions strongly when I am at weak points with my health.. One time I was in the hospital for minor surgery, and it was late in the day that they finished with me, and I woke up in the recovery ward about an hour or two before dinner. I just wanted to sleep off the anesthetic, but according to nursey protocol you always check a diabetic’s blood sugar before dinner… so she woke me up with a to-do manner, purple latex gloves on her hands and asking me what I wanted to eat, all awake and busy because she certainly had other patients to attend to. I let her take my blood sugar, but tried to say I didn’t want to eat, and she insisted I have dinner. I was miserable because of suddenly waking up and feeling so tired, and it made me want to cry right away because she was being so pushy.
I ended up crying almost right away when she came in later for a bedtime blood test three hours later, as I hadn’t really been able to get back to sleep, and remembering her latex gloves. It just all fell in on me because I felt like she was not wanting to touch me, period, and none of the other nurses had ever come in to test my blood sugar that way. Man did I end up turning away from her in the bed and bawling! She was all flabbergasted and tried to ask what was wrong, as she didn’t understand what it was all about. I tried to explain, but I was already needing to cry too much, and couldn’t get my thoughts straight.
My roommate for the night was a former nurse, and she finally got the attending nurse to leave the room after I’d begged her to head out several times. I feel bad that she got such a bad experience while at work, but I did call to complain/clarify to the ladies at the nurses’ station what had gone wrong. I learned that the attending nurse had cut herself on scissors and had a bad scare while working earlier – when that happens, the nurse has to get a lot of blood tests, and fill out a paper saying they won’t sue the hospital if they get sick.
Mike comforted me a little on the phone the morning after my bawl in the hospital (I was only there a night and came home the next day), he said that he looked up the thing about wearing latex gloves while working with the patients – there’s a bacteria bath on the inside of the gloves due to sweat to begin with if you are wearing them too long!
Most of my experiences in the hospitals here have been very good, though – the danish nurses really take time to chatter with you, and are very human and sweet. It’s easy to find a freind with the night watch or a freindly nurse who’s asking you what you want for breakfast.
I hope for more calm and easiness while I’m working with carb-counting and on pins and needles with my bloodsugar… It effects every aspect of my day, and Mike stays attentive and a bit concerned over how much I sleep during it all. We had insomnia trouble when this same pattern rolled around several times, but each time it happens I learn to use my insulin pump better and take care of myself properly. I have a very hard time doing it daily, because I don’t like watching my numbers so much — and on the other side of the scale my day being interrupted and unproductive because of sleepiness and a slightly bad mood from a high blood sugar.
~long whimpersigh~
Please pray for me for God’s help with these things, and thanks..