The Manx Den

Current Mood: Huh? & Yaaawn…

Sleeplessness easing up, and thoughts on election…

I’m feeling much better this morning. The days, they sort of melt into one and the other, especially when I’m recording my blood sugars for the day and I’m still on 4-5 hours alone of sleep, but it was a lot of fun watching the election excitement yesterday in good ‘ol America. It’s a little embarassing that it’s taken so much to get the population to care about change, but honestly, I feel the need for it too. 

The stuff that was on the ballot was a little scary this season. 

• Assisted suicide
• Ban of gay marriages
• health care..

I’ve forgotten the rest, but it’s all stuff that most certainly goes against most evangelical christian standards. But even our thoughts here on assisted suicide are mixed – My husband’s father, Sigurd, had much pain until the end, but he was with us on a hospital bed they brought out for him to be on, and the nurses visited at least twice a day as his affliction took it’s slow toll. They were correct from the beginning about him having not long to live – two-three months they said, as his lungs had damage from asbestos poisoning from working with motorcycle and moped parts before they were done safely in the factory.

But he chose the path that was not as easy, taking chemotherapy to lengthen his days a little longer, and being just plain stubborn, as he always was in adversity. <3

So he lasted five months from diagnosis to end – six, if you really look at the dates, but we lost him a few days before my birthday in June two years ago. we all cried in the funeral, and many, many people were in the church. Heck, I still have the text from the priest’s speech about him, somewhere!

 

Both sad things and good things come. Mike told me he had dreams in January that year that something serious was happening with his father – about saying goodbye – and Sigurd, well, in a way he knew too, before time, that something was seriously wrong with his health. But in this particular case, he had people to live for, and be loved by, and of course he needed that time it takes to be at peace with his end.

 But there are those people who indeed, don’t have family and friends and a life surrounding them that fuels their will to fight. Staying alive takes both emotional, spiritual, and social support, no matter if your body is giving up the ghost slowly, or if you’re completely healthy. As a person who has been through plenty, I can only say this: Life isn’t easy, and we all face the end of life some time. 

 

As for gay marriage…

I have a young woman living in my house currently who has just left home and is using the time here to sort out things and get the extra classes she needs so she can take a good education. She really loves drawing, and she’s very sweet and thoughtful. She’s had a kiss-and-cuddle relationship with a girl from the north side of the island for a long time now, and after her girlfriend moved to the peninsula here in denmark (we call it Jylland), the relationship and friendship under it grew distant.

Heck.. Even I, as a teen, especially after my drawn-out and rocky breakup with MightyFox had plenty of loneliness and confusion in the sexual orientation arena. I didn’t date for two years after that, and diabetes interfered with most of the social interactions that could have happened, but I wondered at my best friend Molly just a teensy bit. Best freinds.. well, I’d actually be quite sorry if I had ended up turning that way and bring in the great majority of my sorrows and issues so heavily on her in more than a teenage-freind level sort of way.

Honestly I’m very glad I married and followed the whole evangelical-christian path. I might have worked out my problems from mental abuse with my mother in some way or another, but right now she’s actually level, sweet, and honest.. And forgiven by both me, and the rest of my family. Her problems arose out of situations mostly out of her control, and her life – it has reached some peace, especially after I gave her one of the red fellowship books that Mike gave me while we were dating.

It doesn’t pay to try and emulate something that you have not gained any perspective and understanding on! And my poor mom tried to understand the whole christianity thing without core teaching for twenty-five years.  

But the issue of gay marriage? Here any two people that live together can register themselves as a pair and get the benefits/tax changes that come with it – and there’s contentment with that among the homosexual population. Marriage is something many danes treat with white gloves – veeery few couples actively choose it without a christian background or without their parents having been glad for it.

Most of the children I have met – or at least, many that I have gotten some information on or from what I can see in my experience, (those that aren’t from muslim families) are either from single parents, divorcees, or with mothers or fathers that go from one partner to the next every three to four years.

Having been in that situation myself after my father was forced to cut his first marriage short due to threats of suicide and the possibility of drawing my sister and I into it, I have nothing more than pity and sympathy for the children with split parents. There are loving step parents, yes, I met one very happy family yesterday, but for those that do not have a stable and loving home, I feel very much for.

So if you ask me if I am for or against gay marriage? 

I will say yes, but say that homosexuality as a whole stems from very lonely and confused individuals seeking what relief and loving arms they can find, in a world rather cold. I’d rather share what resources, experience and perspective I have for the one person in my home, and say that my beliefs are against homosexuality, than to present a cold or angry face. 

And in part that is who I am – having grown up in great fear of judgement from those that loved me, and knowing that judgement, especially on the level of one’s soul, is a heavy axe.

 

As for myself, today? 

I slept a bit better, and I managed to get ahold of one of the local doctors on the phone for some knockout pills, to get the sleep rhythm going the right way. It should help with a clearer head and more energy during the day. I am feeling warmer and healthier than ever by just.. accepting what I have to do with my diabetes. And it’s not so bad. <:3 I might even loose weight because of it. O_O 

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